Every year, on the day before New Year’s Eve, I go on a date with myself.
I find a cosy coffee shop where I can sit and write undisturbed for a couple of hours. During this time, I go through my calendar and make a summary of the past year, then I create a wish list for the year to come. I did that last year as well.
When I was about to close my notebook and head home to prepare for the following day’s festivities, I suddenly felt bold, and I scribbled down BEING INTERVIEWED ON A PODCAST at the end of my wish list.
Be careful what you wish for…
I smiled a little at this silly last-minute idea, because it was so out there. To be honest, I didn’t even believe in it.
I thought to myself that IF this were to happen, it would be far into the future anyway.
The most obvious reason was that I had no podcaster friends.
The second reason was that I would need to take a thorough and good look at the resistance within. Even though I loved speaking one-to-one, I had always found speaking in front of a lot of people really awkward and unpleasant. Breaking down those kinds of ingrained feelings takes time. So, this crazy idea wouldn’t be possible to realise for, at least, a couple of years or so. I took the last sip of coffee, put my book and pencil case into my handbag and left.
A few weeks later, one of my clients, Mary Lynn (who is also a very dear friend of mine), scheduled a session.
-So, Mary Lynn, what do you want us to work on today?
-I am going to start a podcast!
-Oh… (I could feel how the muscles in my neck tensed) You are going to start a podcast??!
-Yes, and even if I feel ready for this, I have noticed that there is a bit of resistance in me. A few unhelpful thoughts are getting in the way of the joy. I want to address them today…
Walking the talk
Mary Lynn is, as I said, both a client and a wonderful friend.
She is someone I admire deeply for her positive mindset and unwavering courage. Whenever she finds a limiting belief about herself and her place in the world, she works through it. She is also one of the most generous and uplifting people I have ever met. Her enthusiasm rubs off on everyone around her. The name she has chosen for her podcast couldn’t be more accurate… SHIFT YOUR ENERGY NOW WITH MARY LYNN (you will find the link further down).
Resistance
Limiting beliefs about ourselves and the world create resistance. Resistance creates a distance between us and the joy we long to experience.
The interesting thing about working with releasing resistance is that not only do we get a better understanding of ourselves (we may find out WHY we sometimes do things that seem totally bonkers, which lead us in the very opposite direction of where we would like to go). But also, when the resistance is released, we might experience an almost unbelievable kind of flow in that area of our life. As a thought or feeling has been “reprogrammed”, unexpected new doors open.
These doors can come in many shapes and forms. Which shape and which form depend, of course, on what unhelful programming we have released. But as they swing open, we may bump into people with the perfect skill set and knowledge we need. Or, opportunities we have dreamed of for a long time suddenly present themselves. The right piece of information may land in our lap at the exact moment it is needed. Sometimes, brilliant new ideas, insights, and solutions to problems we have been struggling with for a long time show up out of the blue. And it all just “happens”.
I don’t know if you feel the same as I do, but resistance is a very unpleasant feeling.
It is like trying to run in a swamp. We are dragged down into something heavy and slow. Being stuck there can bring on frustration, irritation, and even desperation at times. It is very tempting to stare at the resistance we feel and judge it. It is can also be very hard to resist the blame game. If nothing else, it can help us release a bit of the upset.
We might blame others for making us miserable – for trying to stop us – or we might accuse ourselves of not being something else or doing something different. If I only was / did / didn’t…
Another tempting trap is to work our way through the resistance using our willpower.
Unfortunately, if we only rely on our willpower to get through, it will use up most of the “umpf” in our batteries, leaving very little energy to actually create and enjoy.
The next time we plan to do a similar thing (facing the same kind of resistance), we will be back at square one, and again we will have to bully our way through our resistance and our fears. There are easier ways to open the doors than to try to kick them in.
A helpful key to unlocking the doors is to explore the source of the resistance we feel or that is played out in our lives. If we can adopt a curious rather than a judging mindset, it is easier to figure out why we do not allow ourselves to move towards that which feels joyful, interesting or inspiring.
Back to the sessions with Mary Lynn
Mary Lynn and I did a few sessions on her unhelpful thoughts around becoming a podcaster. Each time, we worked on her beliefs from a slightly different angle. The process developed organically as she found new question marks within herself and discovered deeper layers of the resistance.
I was amazed when she shared what happened in between our sessions. With surprising ease, the right people showed up; she discovered the software most suitable for her needs and the right kind of marketing – whatever she needed just landed in front of her. Piece by piece, everything fell into place, as if she were building a gigantic jigsaw puzzle – and all the pieces fitted.
Don’t get me wrong, before the launch, she has put a remarkable amount of work into her creation; her learning curve has been steep, and she has been steadfast in her commitment. However, Mary Lynn hasn’t wasted any energy. She has elegantly navigated past reefs and around potential obstacles, without getting stuck in tedious cul-de-sacs or getting trapped in dead ends. She has been able to keep the momentum going. I would say it is because she has consistently taken notes on where resistance showed up and has persistently worked through it.
No one escapes
If you think being a coach or healing practitioner is to comfortably lean back in your chair with all the answers up your sleeve, and then just point in the direction others should go. Think again.
Sometimes, in a client session, I get to see my own limiting beliefs. In the sessions about Mary Lynn’s podcast project, I saw many pieces that needed to be shifted. I had to look at my own beliefs about showing up, about allowing my voice and my truth to be heard on a larger scale, to be able to walk alongside her. When she asked me to be her guest on one of her episodes, I thought—oh, boy… here we go… so much for a “smooth sail” and giving myself time to work through my fears gently…
I realised how many unpleasant feelings around speaking I had hidden from myself. They were safely locked away on an unconscious level. Now all the unease and the awkwardness were brought into the light. The only thing I could do was to commit to doing the work. And just the intention and the commitment started to draw the right people, the right information, and perfect opportunities toward me.
We needed several attempts to record this episode that I am about to share with you. First, we had tech problems. Then my body tried to “save” me from this “great podcast danger” by making me lose my voice. Each attempt Mary Lynn and I made, showed me what I needed to work through and the next piece I needed to learn about speaking in front of an audience. I really got to see how the mind can play tricks with us to avoid uncomfortable feelings. And in the midst of all the chaos with microphones that didn’t work, sound and image refusing to be in sync, we had the most glorious fits of giggles!
In the corner of gratitude
Hanging out with people who are determined to grow is contagious—you cannot help but grow with them… 💝
I am so happy that Mary Lynn asked me to jump on board with this project. I have learned so much, and very unexpectedly, I got to fulfil my New Year’s wish. However, having experienced this verbal adventure, I think I will be more careful about what I jot down in my notebook at the end of December this year…
The episode where Mary Lynn and I talk about resistance is her 5th. The people she has already interviewed are wonderful, and the conversations so interesting (I am not talking about myself, here). The list of names for future interviews (I have heard about a few) tells me we are up for lovely treats. So, if you find the subject interesting, or like the idea of being able to “SHIFT YOUR ENERGY NOW” inspiring, find her podcast on your usual platform and press the subscribe button.
If you have 19 minutes to spare, here is the result of our labour.
Me on Spotify? Are you joking?!
As I have shared several times, I have a very soft spot for Spotify, since I was one of the “chosen ones” (a beta tester) at the dawn of music platforms. And actually finding myself there when I became a guest on Mary Lynn’s podcast was one of the “side effects” I hadn’t even thought about. (I stopped breathing for a moment when that dawned on me …) Anyways, there is one thing still missing from this blog post – and that is MUSIC!
I think I have found the perfect song to illustrate today’s little tale about overcoming our fears and stretching our courage, and this song is also so well aligned with my fabulous friend Mary Lynn’s energy. This is your awesome vibe, girl!!!! 😘 And now I have added it to Magic Mittens’ Magic playlist.
Shakira is awesome too, and the lyrics reframes shortcomings and mistakes into something beautiful, which I think we all should try to do more often. I can also highly recommend the film Zootropolis (the song is from its soundtrack), if you haven’t seen it already. It is a children’s film and a cartoon. In case you need an alibi, I don’t think you will have any trouble finding a kid willing to watch it with you. That’s the brilliance of having kids around: you get to see all the wonderful fairy tales that remind you that life IS an adventure. Pay extra attention to the tigers at the end—they are hilarious and my favourites!!!!
Thank you for reading, and see you next time 💕
Carin
