The miraculous right before my eyes 💗

Witnessing a miracle

Writing this post feels so urgent because I hope the story I want to share will inspire you to listen more attentively to your inner voice – even when it tells you to believe in something different from what the outside world says is plausible and realistic.

I feel in a hurry to share what I have seen with my own eyes and experienced over the last few weeks, while the experience is fresh and the contours are still defined. The incredible, unbelievable, I-need-to-pinch-myself-in-the-arm experience came at a time when I needed it most… And I want to say THANK YOU!
But first, a little bit of background.

A terrifying Diagnosis

In January, my daughter was diagnosed with a very severe scoliosis.
Every year, children in Swedish schools have a compulsory medical check-up, but somehow the doctors had, over several years, missed the unusual curve of my daughter’s spine. This year, however, it caught their attention, and she was sent to the hospital for a more thorough examination.

Divergence of up to 40 degrees from the normal shape of the spinal curve is considered treatable with physiotherapy and other non-invasive treatments. More than 40 degrees requires surgery. We were sent to the orthopaedic department at the hospital for X-rays, which showed that Reni’s spine had a divergence of 60 degrees. Surgery was inevitable.

When the doctor in charge explained the situation to us, Reni was shocked and terrified. Her father and I were devastated – what would happen to our little girl who loves music and dancing more than anything in life? What will her future look like now?

How did I miss this??!

I was upset with myself because I had noticed for some time that something was off about her posture and the way she moved. I had spoken with a few people about it and shared my worries, but it hadn’t given me clarity about what to do with my observations.

 Scoliosis develops quickly and is often discovered during adolescence, and more girls than boys suffer from it. The largest group of scoliosis patients is diagnosed with something called idiopathic scoliosis. As Reni’s doctor said, it’s a fancy word for saying that science has no idea why they developed the condition. There is no evident structural reason to be found.

My usual suspects…

From my client work, I know how traumatic experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves and the world, and that our life story leaves physical traces in our bodies. As a safety mechanism to be able to function in our everyday world, we tend to block out our past hurts and put our unintegrated feelings in quarantine. We develop strategies to work around them, also on a physical level.

The physical expression of these strategies can be seen in how we carry our bodies, how we move, and how we compensate when using our muscular structure. The unprocessed emotions are often stored as muscular tension, a kind that cannot be relaxed by willpower alone. Many times, especially when I used to see my clients in person for hands-on healing and acupressure sessions, I saw their posture change when a deep woundedness had been addressed and released. Even now, when I work remotely, I see the same.
The released emotions leave the body through a sudden need to stretch, sigh, or yawn, and sometimes through almost involuntary sounds. Every time this happens, it reinforces my conviction of the literal connection between our emotions and our physical structure.

Perhaps you have experienced this release of tension and change in your posture yourself.
A very soft healing session, like Reiki, for example, can leave a bruised feeling in the body, as after an intense core training session at the gym. And yet you haven’t done anything else but rest on a treatment bed while someone has lightly held their hands on or above your body. The muscle fibres that have been contracted to keep emotions in check finally relax, leaving soreness in their wake.
My own theory is that similar emotional factors may explain scoliosis in patients diagnosed with the idiopathic form. There might be an emotional component that prompts the spine to deviate from its normal trajectory.

Sitting on a bus stop in Limbo

According to Reni’s doctor, surgery was the only option for her.
And surgery meant a correction of her spine by inserting a “miniature railroad of titanium” alongside her vertebrae, to mechanically force them back in the right position.
If left without treatment, he saw a risk that it would affect her breathing and the function of her internal organs in the future. She was placed in the long queue of children who need to go through this procedure. No definitive answer on when the operation would happen, but the doctor promised to try to get her on the operating table as soon as possible.

I was upset about the whole thing, not only because of the risks involved in fiddling with the spine and the possible limitations on mobility it could bring – I was upset because I felt utterly powerless.

A gift most of the time

The way I am “wired”, I sometimes think of it as a kind of illness.
I suffer from “pathological optimism”. This mindset is a phenomenal asset most of the time, because I am constantly searching for (and therefore finding) ideas, solutions and better ways to do things. I can’t help it; my mind is naturally focused on possibilities and potential. It sneaks off on its own to find what can be changed and refined to achieve an improved outcome. Like a proud kitty, it puts its most recent idea (very much like a dead mouse) in front of my feet.
-Look what I have caught for you!!!

It matters less whether a lot of effort is needed or if it takes time to reach a positive result – the whole point is that it is possible.
I think it is because of all the crazy things I have seen and experienced – some would call it miracles and others spontaneous healing, the journeys in time and between the dimensions, the visions of different layers of our reality stacked on top of each other. Therefore, I see the “impossible” as something fluid or maleable. With time, this has created a deep-seated conviction that there is always a way to change what we perceive as reality. As long as I can see a glimmer of light, I am ready to go.

The opposite of this natural state of my mind is powerlessness, and it is the very emotion I dread the most.
Powerlessness is my kryptonite, and it drains me of all my strength and energy. I become like the sad remains of a punctured balloon, and the lack of options and wiggle room to improve things leaves me in a state of lockdown. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often, but the conversation with Reni’s doctor got me stuck there for quite a while.

Luckily, “my illness” flared up eventually, as it always does. Like a missile homing in on a target, I started scanning everything I’ve ever learned about the body and the mind, about healing. And I read as much as I could find about scoliosis. There must be SOMETHING we can do, even if we cannot avoid the operation. And slowly, a protocol took shape. Which, in hindsight, I think has been favourable to the outcome.

The protocol

First of all, I asked her to hold off on the normal teenage behaviour until we had resolved the situation… (I got a blank stare in return).

I added supplements to support her overall health, full-spectrum vitamins and minerals, and some to particularly support her muscles (but in the end, food is the best remedy, and that led to a lot of heated discussions about vegetables…).

 I decided on a particular Qi Gong sequence to assist the muscles to, little by little, to come into balance, and release stored tension (muscles always work in pairs – one is contracting, while the other is relaxing simultaneously, which gives us the power to control our body’s movements and direction – so finding movements working with both protagonists and antagonists is key).

And, by providence, we were led to a brilliant osteopath who very gently helped Reni’s body release layers of tension held in her muscular structure.

I love osteopathy

The experiences I personally have had with this healing modality are that osteopathy takes into account how much of the emotional resistance the body is ready to release. Softness is often the most powerful approach when working with a body. Forcing someone to become aware of what is stored in their subconscious activates their protective armour because there is often a reason why we hide emotional information from ourselves. Forcing someone to become aware of what they are not yet ready to face can cause even more damage and emotional distrust.

If you’re in my corner of the world and are looking for an osteopath, I know the perfect guy!!! 💗
Reach out, and I will send you Pontus’s contact information. He is extraordinarily skilled at what he does.

All for one and one for all

I was adamant that both Reni’s father and I follow the same protocol as Reni.
A family, or any group of people who are emotionally close, is like an organism. If one is changing, it will inevitably affect the others and, in the worst case, the changes may trigger unconscious patterns of resistance. The trick is to get everyone working together and heading in the same direction.
In this situation, we all wanted to create the best possible circumstances, so we all needed to release fear and unconscious patterns that didn’t serve us. We needed to level up – and, as parents of an ill child, there is also a need for self-care to build stamina.

Do you hear me?! This is GOOD for you!

Trying to motivate a 13-year-old to jump out of bed at 05.45 every morning is not easy. It demands determination, resilience and dedication from anyone.

To make a teenager wave her arms and legs in a particular way because her mommy told her so, now that is a Herculean task.
Teenagers are the toughest crowd because they are often brutally honest about how they feel (about you 😁). During this time, I have learned precious things about what works and what doesn’t work regarding how to motivate and inspire others, and it has made me think a lot about the parenting role. This part of our journey has been so rich in its own right and has brought us closer together.

Our daily Qi Gong practice (however soft and adapted to her young age) sparked change and brought many emotions to the surface. Not just in her. So this past spring hasn’t been the most harmonious, but in an odd way, very rewarding and filled with beautiful insights.

The unconscious luggage, the hidden and unfamiliar feelings that we all got hold of, coupled with all the worry of what we had in front of us, and on top of that, no defined timeline (the operation could happen any moment), kept us in Limbo.
Being in Limbo forced us to be present in the Now, as we could only take one day at a time. We had to accept what was and do the very best we could in each moment, since no long-term plans could be made. This spring has been a tremendous mindfulness boot camp.

What we should do versus what feels right to do

In the middle of all this, one of my dear friends, Natalie Cordell, invited me to her book launch in Cambridge (you will hear more about her and her fantastic book “Awakening the Sleeping Queen ” in another blog post).
After weighing pros and cons a million times, I decided to book the flight to the UK. Celebrating with Natalie had an irresistible pull, and to be honest, I longed for a break from everything. 

But I dragged my feet to commit to the adventure. Again and again, I put off booking hotel rooms and train tickets, and I couldn’t force myself to give Natalie a definitive answer about whether I would come. I  had stayed put at home the entire spring, reluctant to make any definitive plans, mostly out of worry, but also to be a responsible mother to my rebellious little Qi Gong disciple.

D-Day was suddenly close

And then out of the blue, the phone call came. An unexpected cancellation in the operation schedule gave her an opening ten days later. Reni panicked.
In her mind, she had pushed the whole thing into a distant future, until it didn’t even feel real (which had made her hear my motivational speeches as normal, tedious “mum-nagging”).

For her father and me, being given a date brought a sense of relief (the months of waiting were over), but also created waves of nauseating fear (what if, God forbid, something went wrong…). In the gap between the phone call and the actual operation, many tests and additional X-rays were needed, and there was a lot to prepare for weeks of recovery afterwards.

My UK trip fell in the middle of these ten days, but time-wise, it worked perfectly for me if I wanted to go. It would be possible to do both.

Discovering a blind spot

In times of crisis, we sink back into our deepest default patterns, and our reasoning tends to fly out the window.
I first impulse was to cancel my trip to the UK because it would be better to stay home to prepare… (and I realised that what I actually thought I SHOULD do, as a responsible mother, was to worry, chew my nails, and prepare for the worst).

I discovered that, deep down, I actually believed that worrying and putting everything on hold when life is challenging would somehow be more “appropriate” and make me “a better person”. A tiny little voice said that if I eased the discomfort I felt by doing things that bring joy and positive energy, I would be selfish. This was a truly embarrassing insight, given what I do for a living!!

When I realised this, I heard my mentor’s voice inside my head saying:
– Worrying is to pray for something you don’t want!

My husband expressed the same thing, but in a more blunt way:
– You’re a COMPLETE MORON if you don’t go!!!! And just so you know, if you decide to stay at home, I will go and celebrate Natalie in your place!

Everyone recharges in their own way

So I went. And in the end, we all had a wonderful weekend – each in their own way. Reni was invited to a sleepover at one of her best friends’ houses, and had a lovely time. As I read the text to her, she asked me to add that her friends have been an amazing support throughout this whole experience, and that she loves them to the moon and back. She came home, reenergized, lighthearted and happy.
Hubby spent the weekend doing kickboxing and binge-watching WWII films.
And I got the breather I so desperately needed and had a wonderful time in the UK.

There is no standard formula for joy, and when challenged, we all have different needs. The three of us did what served us best to recharge our batteries and prepare for what was to come. This time around, my old archenemies, Mister Must, Señorita Should, and Herr Have-To, lost against what actually felt right.

The unbelievable in front of our very eyes

The afternoon before the operation, we “checked in” at the hospital and followed the pre-operation protocol (one parent at a time was allowed to stay overnight during her stay at the hospital).

Reni wanted me to accompany her that first night. We talked about serious things, we giggled, and now and then, the questions I think Reni had been most afraid to ask came forth. We didn’t get much sleep that night, and Reni was very quiet after waking up to this big day. Carl came to the hospital at sunrise, and we walked beside her as she was rolled through the maze of tunnels under the hospital buildings. I was allowed to stay with her until she fell into the medically induced sleep before she was taken into the operating room.

The many hours that followed were like a haze for us. Carl and I wandered around aimlessly in the beautiful April sun, not really knowing what to do with ourselves, waiting to hear how things had unfolded (while hoping for the best and fearing the worst). During this time, many of you (readers of my blog) and friends around the world have sent her positive thoughts, love, and healing, and you have held space for her recovery. And oh boy, did it work!!!!
When the phone call came mid-afternoon, the news was glorious. Everything had gone really well, and we were welcome to come and see her. 

The surgeon and the medical staff used BIG words.
The surgeon said the operation went EXTREMELY WELL. The anaesthetic team said it went VERY SMOOTHLY and their part of the medical procedure had been VERY SUCCESSFUL. Everyone was VERY CONTENT with how things had proceeded during the operation. All the medical staff who have cared for Reni have been nothing short of adorable, and we have felt completely safe.

Malmö University Hospital has a new fan club 🌟

Therefore, I want to use BIG words to describe them as well! Extraordinary COMPETENCE and PROFESSIONALISM, SKILL and KNOWLEDGE, and yet a finely tuned SENSITIVITY to the needs of a terrified teenager and her worried parents. Everyone we interacted with at Malmö University Hospital (Malmö Universitetssjukhus) throughout this experience has been FANTASTIC and, as I said, nothing short of ADORABLE. The gratitude I feel towards all of you is beyond words 💗

The doctors had prepared us that the time after waking up from the anaesthesia could be challenging for Reni- nausea, pain, confusion, and emotional unrest. But 45 minutes after she woke up, she finished an entire ice cream and was chirping like a happy little bird in springtime (a bit high from all the pain medication and surprisingly polite 🤩). All the medical staff, surgeons, doctors, nurses, and physiotherapists have looked at her with raised eyebrows (sometimes in what to me looked like disbelief) because of how unusually smooth and quick her recovery has been.
From lying down to sitting, from sitting to standing, and from standing to walking up a flight of stairs – she managed it all in an extraordinary short time frame.

The true power of love

I send you my love!

I’ll think about you!

Fingers crossed…  
(or as we say in Sweden – I’ll hold my thumbs…)

My thoughts are with you!

I’ll hold the space for you!

I’ll pray for you!

These are words we often use when someone is going through a difficult time or needs support.
Now I have seen and felt the effects of being showered in love and positive intentions.
All the love directed towards her and us has created extraordinary results and has carried us through this difficult experience. But the support wasn’t just emotional; it also affected the actual physical outcome.

Two and a half days after this very complicated and long operation, and decorated with 22 titanium screws in her vertebrae,  she was released from the hospital and allowed to go home (two days earlier than what we were told was the usual time span).

Willingness to believe

I asked her if I could show you her X-rays. She said it was okay and added that perhaps someone else with scoliosis will feel less scared if they hear her story.
I also want to show you the images of her back pre- and post-operation, so you can get a sense of how incredible this is.
The actual medical procedure is miraculous in itself. When thinking about it, it is daunting to see what is possible from a medical perspective. But what we have seen unfold before our eyes goes beyond medical practice. A proof of how extraordinarily powerful loving thoughts are, and how they DO make a change. When we send our love to someone in need, it really counts.

TO BELIEVE is the magical ingredient for the miraculous to work at its most efficient level. Whatever beliefs the “sender” holds will colour the frequency and the intensity of the love that is felt.

Willingness to receive

The receiver also needs to do their part, which is also connected to believing.
The one who receives all the love and support needs to be able to accept it (on both a conscious and unconscious level).
The vibration of love is, in a way, very respectful. Unconditional love never intrudes where it’s not welcome.
The healee (the one in the receiving end) actually decides how efficient healing and love can be – by allowing this vibrational frequency into their energy field. What determines that is what the healee’s mind finds acceptable.

If you view healing as rubbish and woo-woo, then that is the experience you will allow into your energy field. The results will be rather poor.

If you can accept getting a little better, you will experience a moderate improvement.

If your intellect can accept the miraculous and feel worthy of it, then you might be one of those who are gifted with spontaneous healing (the “take-your-bed-and-go-type” of experience).

Growing up with “the vibes”

For Reni, healing is nothing odd.
From a very early age, whenever she has had pain in her body, she has asked me to place my hands on that spot, and she has felt the discomfort go away. For her, it is normal and nothing she questions. Distance is not an issue for her either, since we have done the same when I have been away on my travels.

THANK YOU – this miracle was created by many!!!

So it seems like all the right ingredients were in place!

💖 Someone whose belief system doesn’t object to the possibility of the miraculous.
💖 Medical professionals with an unwavering belief in what they do and with their hearts in the right place.
💖 All the lovely and loving people who have held her, her well-being, and us (and those who reached out to us are a bunch of incredible “thinkers” and “feelers” in the service of unconditional love). 
This is what makes the impossible possible, the difficult easy, and the extraordinary ordinary…

There is another component to take into account.
A need to be a bit detached from the outcome for healing to work at its best. For a parent whose kid’s spine will be drilled full of holes, detachment is a bit tricky. So, what I could do for Reni this time was limited compared to the impact it would have had if she had been someone else’s child. Therefore, I am grateful beyond words for all the love and the space that was held for us during this experience.
For Reni, there is still a long way to go before she is fully recovered, but she got the best possible start, thanks to the people who care for her and for us. And her doctor says that she will be able to dance again when she has recovered 💗

Here is a kiss to all of you who have supported us through this nerve-racking experience. This photo was taken the day after she was released from the hospital (four days after the operation). We went on a very short walk, and another ice cream was the carrot on the stick held in front of Reni 🥕

How about some miraculous music after this story?

This post was unusually long, even for me, so well done if you are still there 🤗
And the reward for hanging out with me through all the paragraphs will be to listen to two masterful ladies with angelic voices. Their song carries the essence of what I hope will be your takeaway from this long tale of mine. The realisation of how powerful you are, and how significant your love is. I have added it to Magic Mittens’ Magic Playlist on Spotify (In case you are curious about the other songs on this list, you will find them in the top-right corner if you are reading my blog on your computer).

So, here is When You Believe with Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. I don’t think they need a lengthy introduction.

Lots of love and THANK YOU!

Carin