Warning for Subjectivity

Today’s blog post is about glasses, shoes, and healthy personal empowerment. And I want to emphasize that what I share is built on my personal experiences and beliefs.
I have wanted to write about this topic for a very long time. Recently, I got the nudge I needed to make it happen.

The first time I went to see a psychic was shocking. It was as magical as meeting a unicorn on Highstreet a sunny Tuesday afternoon.

In the small town where I grew up and in my environment, psychics were almost unheard of (the same was also true for unicorns…).
As a little girl, I had scary and recurring nightmares, I knew things about people without having been told and was acutely aware of other people’s feelings. Those close to me accused me of being overly sensitive and for having a too-vivid imagination. At times I could see that they suspected me of being completely bonkers.
I felt lost in the avalanche of weird and wordless information that I picked up from others and Life itself. And I had no one to talk to about this..

You have probably heard the same story over and over again from others who work within the intuitive arts, or maybe you have had the very same experience as you grew up. It seems to be the theme for those of us who decide to claim our intuitive abilities and put our trust in the “Spiritual woo-woo-world”.

One of the most important learnings in my life

This first encounter with someone from that mysterious world, changed the trajectory of my life in many ways. How could she know so much about me, my feelings and my life? It was actually the very first time I felt truly seen and heard, without picking up a feeling of judgement in its wake.

How did you know?

In fact, this encounter was so fascinating that I, since then, have spent the larger part of my life trying to figure out how our intuition works, to understand the human body and energy field, and how to put them into use in a deliberate way.
Surprisingly, it was not a particular piece of information that she shared during our session that had the strongest impact on me. It was actually her opening message that has shaped my life onwards.
And in hindsight, I realize that she saved me from a lot of trouble!

“Remember that you are the expert on your own life!
Even though I will do my very best to assist you, I cannot see everything. Therefore, it is important that you trust yourself and let go of that which doesn’t ring true to you.
Perhaps it is information that you will understand later, or maybe it will never make sense to you.”

I will forever be grateful for this precious piece of advice. I took it to heart, and as I moved forward, her words have been the Polestar in my work with clients, and in my own life.

By her initial statement, she allowed me to stay in my power, by letting me be the one to decern what felt useful or not. She also put the responsibility for my life and actions where it belonged – in my hands.
By starting our session in this way, she also released herself from the heavy burden of having to be right, as well as avoiding the temptation of telling me what I would like to hear. She could keep the flow of information she was receiving, clean from personal agendas.
As I look back on this moment, the funny thing is that everything she shared with me during that session, have made sense at some point later in my life.


Without getting too far into a complicated explanation of my view of the human energy field (I will save that for later!), we perceive life through the lenses of our personal and cultural history. These lenses are also shaped by how people have treated us throughout life. The lenses take on the form of our beliefs about ourselves and the world, and probably our biology plays a role, as well.
These parameters, and a few others, shape the glasses through which we see our reality. The String Theory in physics is often used as an example to explain this phenomenon.

What do you see?

This means that even if we would take a piece of ABSOLUTE TRUTH (if there is such a thing), and send it through the most elevated master living in our world, this piece of information would be coloured by that person’s consciousness and worldview.
Furthermore, it will be reshaped again by the consciousness of the receiver of the piece of information.

A blessing or a curse

Depending on our perception (there they are again, our glasses), this can be seen as something positive or negative.

The moment we understand that truth is a slightly floating concept, reality can suddenly seem unstable. To realize that everything we experience and hear is soaked in subjectivity and personal opinions can leave us disillusioned for a while. Who can we trust, and what can we really believe?
Is truth always hopelessly distorted, and objectivity impossible to achieve?
And how can everybody lack common sense – why don’t they see that I am RIGHT????

A more hopeful (and perhaps useful) way is to see subjectivity as a fruitful and wonderful tool for expanding our awareness through someone else’s perspective, when we share the same experience. Someone else’s unique viewpoint can give us surprising insights and unexpected ideas.

Is there a less philosophical way to figure out the truth? I would argue that there is. In our possession, we all have a marvellous gadget that can solve this problem for us.

Listening and feeling

The most precious gift Life has given each and every one of us, is our physical body.
This lump of matter, through which our awareness travels, responds to everything we experience, just like a seismographic instrument.

Given our history and our beliefs, it is fine-tuned to our personal truth in real time.
By learning to understand and trust this device (and if we can get our intellect to play along), we can navigate life in the best possible way.
As we learn and expand, our seismographic instrument (this precious body of ours) will be updated accordingly. If we learn how our physical body communicates with us, we can tap into our truth at any moment.

If you are one of my clients reading this, this is the reason why I so often ask you how you are feeling, during our sessions.
It is also why I prefer modalities where the client is actively participating in the experience.

What I have observed over the years, as I have been working with many different techniques, is that lasting shifts in beliefs and healing occur when someone finds their own answers. The biggest shifts in my own belief system have also happened, as I have actively been part of the process.
To be fed the information can be of great inspirational value, but telling the client what they should or should not do, does rarely create a lasting shift.
We can compare it with learning to conjugate verbs in a foreign language. When you crack the code for the regular ones, it suddenly becomes much easier. But the irregular ones, that you need to memorize, are harder to remember (and mine have a tendency to hide when I need them the most…).

By actively participating, the client gets a chance to experience and follow the reactions in their body, as their understanding moves from unawareness to awareness.
As you know, it is quite tricky to talk yourself into “un-knowing” what you have felt or figured out.

Are you up for a little experiment?

Why not take the opportunity to check if what I tell you feels true to you? Let us feed some information into your seismographic instrument and listen to what your body tells you.

I will share a few insights from my own experience in personal development, both as a client and as a coach. Please, remember that they are all my personal observations and opinions, so they might not resonate with you. It will give you an opportunity to practice “letting go” if they do not resonate with your truth.

With the client’s shoes on our feet

A coach, a healer, a teacher or a therapist is there to assist you in finding your own answers. They can offer another perspective or help you to see what is “outside the box”. They are there to cheer you on, to accompany you on the journey into the unknown territory of your inner landscape. Sometimes, they are the companion who holds your hand through the darkest passages.
They share their knowledge, wisdom and abilities with you, which they have gained from their studies and life experience. The only thing they cannot do is to do the work for you.

If you are in the client’s position, and your coach (please, put the word in a broader perspective) is telling you to abandon your truth in favour of theirs, my advice is to be a little bit weary.
In fact, they are asking you to unplug your most valuable tool – your truth barometer.

Let’s see now…

Their intention might be very loving. Perhaps they see a potential in you that you might not see for yourself. And yet, if your understanding does not follow the process, it is hard to make the lasting shift you seek within yourself.
However loving, they might be biased because of their personal worldview. Or, perhaps their own dreams and desire shine through, or even their fears.

In the worst cases, you have met a coach on a personal power spree. Someone who is getting a rush of energy each time they manage to make people do as they say.

-I said, sit!

Something to be mindful of, as a client, is your part in the coaching process. You need to appreciate the power of your free will, your responsibility for your life, and your decisions. I want to remind you again about what that psychic lady told me so long ago: -You are the expert on your own life”.

However tempting it may be, a coach is not someone to whom you can delegate the decisions you need to make – and who later can take the blame if things go South.

An exception to the rule

It might be worth discussing how medicine and encounters with medical professionals is a different kind of ball game.
As a scientific field, medicine is more objective and depends on clinical testing, blood works, ex-rays etc.
An MRI scan does not have the same purpose as a session with your grief counsellor. Though, in the best of worlds, clinical medicine and energy work can greatly support each other for the benefit of the patient/client.

If you sense that something is “off” or unclear in the diagnosis or the suggested treatment your doctor proposes, ask for an explanation that you can understand or get a second opinion from another medical professional.
Search for more information and educate yourself on the area at hand. It will give you a better understanding and facilitate communication between you and those who are there to assist you. It will be easier to ask the relevant questions.

In the shoes of the coach

I know that many of you who read my blog are coaches and healers, or work with personal development in some way.
There are a few things I have figured out along the way that I would like to share with you. Do not see this as a list of pitfalls and things to avoid. It is just a few things I have picked up from my client work and as a client.

Most people who reach out to a coach or a healer feel vulnerable.
Perhaps they need assistance in finding the solution to a dilemma, or they are going through a period of fear, pain, loss or confusion.
They feel stuck and do not know how to shift things around. That is why they came to see you in the first place.
In that position, our words carry a lot of weight, probably more than we think. So, the way we frame our communication is very important.

I am sure most of us have felt what happens when a fearful or negative thought sticks in our mind. It takes a lot of convincing and reflection to release it. The worry can lurk for a long time in the background, and even make us deviate from the path that we would like to pursue.
So, we need to ask ourselves, what is our intention behind the information that we share? Will it be useful to the client?

Free will is an interesting concept

As a coach, all we can do is to deliver our message, share our knowledge and knowing, perhaps offer a possible strategy, and voice our opinion. And then, we must allow our clients their freedom of thought and action.
We cannot take on the responsibility for what the clients choose to do with what we have offered them.

What we can ask ourselves is, if we have done our best. Does what we share come from a place of love and care within ourselves? If we can answer yes on that questions, we need to let it go. We need to trust in our clients’ inbuilt truth barometer, that they have the ability to discern what is useful and true to them.

Here, we have an excellent opportunity to take a closer look at the intention we have set for our work. Are we trying to be liked? Do we feel compelled to tell the clients what they want to hear? We can learn a lot about ourselves and our profession through these questions.

Some clients are fearful of making decisions. Instead of taking responsibility for their choices, they want someone else to tell them what to do. In this situation, miracles can happen if we support their growth of courage. If we assist them to take a look at the very fear that holds them back, they can find out where it comes from.

Both teachers and students

My curiosity about human nature and the energy field has made me study many modalities and practices within the esoterical world. Throughout my studies, I have met wonderful teachers and mentors (and a few not so wonderful, but the experience has been very rewarding, nevertheless).

There is another great advice I would like to share with you, that I have received from cherished mentors:

The learning is never only for one

Think about how children play with each other – they step in and out of different characters, and they allow their imagination to roam freely, as they create entire worlds. In their role-playing, they process their feelings, sort out their thoughts and beliefs about the world.
In a way, client work is similar. If we, as coaches and healers, allow ourselves to stay open-minded and welcome the client’s own wisdom, there are things to learn from each encounter.
If we stay stuck in a mindset where we are the ones who should know, that our role is to “help” or sort out the client’s problems, we run straight into a barrier.


In a client session, we are invited into the realm of another human being.
Sometimes, we are the very first to hear their full story. This invitation is an honour we should not take lightly. If we, at that moment, dismiss their own insights and conclusions because we are preoccupied with our position as a coach, we miss out on potential information that could bring growth and understanding to both us and the client. A side-effect is that the client will not feel listened to, which lessens their trust.

Relax, my friend, we are soon at the finishing line of this very long blog post!

How did it go, with your truth experiment?
Did some of the things I shared ring true to you? Remember, just let the rest go!

As I told you at the beginning of this post, this topic has been on my mind for a long time, and I hope it will be useful for you.
By the way, Thank you for following me all the way to the end of this post. I think I managed to break the record in length today (and my SEO tool on my website was very quick in informing me that Google is NOT pleased with my post).
Even if Google is displeased, I hope I have given you a few things to ponder, and, hopefully a bit of inspiration.
Perhaps the thoughts I have shared can be applied in your other relationships as well. I wish you good luck with your truth barometer.


Have a lovely, lovely day!


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