Hi again,
I have given you a little hint beforehand, about the topic for this week’s blogpost – relationships.
I chose it on purpose, since we are currently travelling through the astrological sign Gemini, often illustrated by twins. Traditionally this sign in the zodiac is connected to the tarot card number VI, The Lovers, and this image makes us think about relationships of a romantic character. Though, both the star sign, as well as the card have a much wider meaning (nothing is just what it seems, in this esoteric business – but on the other hand, that is what makes studying it so interesting 😉).
Gemini and The Lovers represents the polarities within and outside of us; me – you, him – her, the conscious self -the shadow, thoughts – emotions etc. These are but a few of the examples that can fit into this frame.
Today I propose that we take a closer look at the most important relationships we have, the one with ourselves, which in my opinion also is the foundation for every other connection we have with… well… just about everything in our lives. The angle I have chosen is the harmony, alternatively the friction, between the masculine and the feminine. I have touched upon it earlier this year, in my my blog post Earth Calling published in April, where I suggested looking at how our female and male side of our own being, is cooperating with each other.
What gender you are, or sexual preferences you have, are of very little importance when examining this inner relationship – its impact goes far beyond these parts of our personality. Two very common ways to describe this phenomenon are through the lenses of psychology and the classical Chinese philosophy.
Carl Gustav Jung named these part Anima (our inner female) and Animus (our inner male).The Chinese and Daoist traditions refer to them as Yin, the female principle, and Yang, the male principle (and as always when it comes to this ancient treasure of knowledge, whenever we try to describe it in words – it becomes destorted, but I hope you get the idea).
To start this excursion on the inner, I suggest that you take some time to reflect on what the feminine and the masculine stand for, in your own mind.
What responses do the word woman create in you? Is it receptivity, care, empathy, gentleness, nurturing, mother, Madonna, softness? Or is it prostitue, betrayal, control, anger, manipulation? Or is she even a prey?
Is it a force that you admire, long for, are afraid of or despises? How do you talk to, and about, women? Do you like them? Do you respect them or do the make you afraid and vulnerable?
If we switch to the male principle, what mental and emotional reactions do the word man create in you? Strength, dominance, decision, money, power, gentleness, honour, kindness or protection? Is he a father figure? Or is it the other way around – irresponsability, emotional poverty, cowardice, abuse, injustice, control, distrust?
Do you respect the masculine, or do you fear it? Do you feel at home and safe? Are you weighing your words, when speaking to a man? Do you show who you truly are, or do you dress your persona up in a special costume?
What I suggest is only a bunch of words (not necessarily my personal associations to the concepts) and there are, for sure, many other ideas linked to the genders. So, please, add to the list in your mind, whatever comes up within you.
The archetypical traits we connect to the genders, belong to our cultural framework. They are enhanced in literature, theatre, movies and media, sometimes beyond recognition. They are reinforced and refined, shifted and changed through the encounters in our everyday life and our personal experiences. I hope to inspire you to go within and find out about your deeper feelings and beliefs connected to these polarities.
What if I told you, that what you connect to the different genders also live within you? A person fearing men, using men, feeling dependant on men, loving men too much, hating men or who does not feel supported by men in general – has an equally complicated relationship with their inner man.
The opposite is also true, of course. The person who fails to connect to women in a natural and healthy way, has a problem with their inner woman, that needs dealing with.
There are thousands of different ways your archetypal woman and man can interact with each other. And how their cooperate in supporting you in your life, mirrors your beliefs about yourself and your world. There are emotional links, as well, that take you back to your childhood, and your interactions with your parents or caretakers. It reveals some of the aspects of what you think and feel about your chances to manifest your potential and your dreams. As you see, there are a lot of things to ponder here.
By gaining a conscious understanding of what created your personality and the way you see your life, you might be surprised by what foundation you have chosen to stand on.
Maybe it is information that is since long out-dated. “Facts” without bearing, you have just accepted or that have been imposed on you – and yet, they are running your life, and defining every interaction you have with another, woman or man.
It can be your upbringing, Society, religion, the cultural climate where you live, tradition, trauma or simply just what has always been. It is information so deeply ingrained in you, that it became you. You might even be trying to fight this foundation, but it is a battle with your own self. The questions I invite you to ask yourself, might reveal other truths and beliefs, that may serve you better.
So here are a few more things to mull over, if you feel inspired (and I would like to add that my aim is not to split your personality into a bunch of imaginary friends, it is just a model to use, that might give you a different angle from where to observe yourself).
By taking a closer look at your beliefs, you will discover how well your inner man and woman are working together. If you would look at them as a traditional couple in a romantic relationship – what do you discover about them? What does the foundation your life rests on, look like? Is your inner man in love with your inner woman? Is he supporting her? Is she in love with him? Is she supporting him? Do they help each other to guide you through life, with joy, purpose and out of harm’s way? Are they equally valuable to you? Are they allowed to speak and share their truth with you? Are one stronger than the other? Which one is usually the problem-solver? Which one gives you the tactics to handle your life’s ups and downs?
We are stepping into a time when the foundations and values Society is built upon, are scrutinized in detail and rearranged very quickly. Things that were accepted as being the truth, with capital T, are suddenly questioned into the very core of the matter. Habits and behavioural patterns shift at an unprecedented speed. So are the ways we look at relationships, both with a significant other, as well as with other kinds of relationships.
When my grandparents were born, a divorce was almost unheard of. If an unfortunate choice of spouse was made, no other possibility but coping with that decision, was offered “until death did them apart”. Endurance was seen upon as a virtue. While today a third of my daughter’s classmates have parents, who are divorced. I do not think it has to do with idleness or an unwillingness to do the work each relationship requires (even though there are voices raised about a general lack of commitment). My personal belief is that one of the reasons is that we “learn” quicker, we solve the challenges, collect the gifts of wisdom and then there is no longer any need to stay together. The energetic pull is gone.
Then some learn quicker than others. Even if a relationship started off with individuals with compatible energies – if one party sprint through the learning process, and the other drags the feet, the discrepancy in frequency demands a break-up after a while. I think this to be true for all kinds of relationships, as well.
Another reason is that this is also a time of reclaiming our personal power, that part of our free will, our dreams, our strength, which we have given away to somebody else. Not only is the power slowly returning to whom it belongs, the responsibility for our own life does as well, as a logical effect. It is no longer possible to “out-source” the personal responsibility, to be taken care of, by someone else. This huge shift is taking place on an energetic level, slowly but surely. Therefor these fundamental changed are easy to miss, absorbed as we are by the stress, the busy-work and the drama of the moment.
There is also a lot of resistance involved in this picture. Most of us are not so fond of change, even fearful of it, so this wave of reclaiming our power and accepting our personal responsibility, is often resisted as long as possible – until it is forced upon us. With this slow but persistent power shift in motion, conflicts are also created in our relationships, out of pure resistance. And things can get messy, really messy.
To alternate the focus between the outside world, where we get triggered, to move within and do the mental and emotional work the trigger brought forth, is a way that have helped me solve a lot of dilemmas which otherwise created upheaval and drama in my relationships. By shining the flashlight on the unconscious parts of our being, and through that work, solve the conflict present within us, peace may be found which eventually colours our outside world. When the inner conflict no longer is an issue, it is also much easier to handle the conflict in our external relationships. We do not have to deal with chaos and mayhem on two fronts, just one. It still gets messy at times, of course, because almost all of us feel the most secure, when people behave the way they have always behaved, and unconsciously we make everything we can, to keep it that way.
Though, with peace and calm inside of us, we can give the exernal relationships our undivided attention, and act from a position of greater clarity and strength (and probably with less drama).
So, what purpose does all this change, resulting in drama and upheaval ultimately serve, then? I think the only purpose there is, is to reach a greater self-love, which automatically comes with access to our own strength and grounding. Without self-love, relationships risk to become a consuming power struggle, while when we can love ourselves, we can truly love another.
I’ll stop here for today, but I will probably return to this topic again in the future. It fascinates me beyond measure, why we behave the way we do, and if needed, how can we shift that. I am convinced that the change needs to take place inside of us first, before we can create a change in our external world.
I must admit, I didn’t even try to write short this time!!! And since the number of words really has gotten out of hands already, I figured I could as well go on a little bit longer!
Reading suggestions
Therefor I have put together a reading list, connected to these subjects I have written about today. I am sure you can order them from your ususal bookshop, I have found most of them at www.adlibris.com.
ASTROLOGY:
Stjärntecknens visdom (Thomas Jönsson)
Unfortunately, this book has not been translated into English, as far as I know, but if you are fluent in Swedish I strongly recommend it. Thomas Jönsson is a very dear friend of mine and a brilliant astrologer. His take on how we can work with the planetary forces is very inspiring. A book that can become a beautiful travel companion, while journeying through the astrological year. The chapter about Gemini is one of my personal favourites.
PSYCHOLOGY
Goddesses in everywoman (Jean Shinoda Bolen)
Gods in everyman (Jean Shinoda Bolen)
These two books are literary twins, from a gender perspective. Jean Shinoda Bolen introduces us to the gods and goddesses of Greek mythology, and the realm of archetypes alive within us. all from a Jungian psychological perspective. These are books I return to time after time – always discover new angles. And who says no, to be introduced to their inner goddesses and gods?
Red sister (Mark Lawrence)
Prince of fools (Mark Lawrence)
If you would like a little bit of lighter reading, here are two great stories and epic adventures. This author has managed to create portraits of men and women, who are a little bit up-side-down, somehow. These books might give you unusual ideas about who you could be 😉,. I Must warn you though, I found them really hard to put own, once I started reading….
CLASSICAL CHINESE PHILOSOPHY
The web that has no weaver (Ted J Kapchuk)
For those who are fairly familiar with Chinese medicine and its concepts, this is a true gem. To me it is pure poetry, and the book has a tremendously high vibration. I have it beside me at my desk while writing this passage, and I can “feel” the clear frequency it radiates, just by looking at it. The author has manage to make beautiful sense of the concepts of yin and yang, among other things.
If you are new to this rich tradition – start out light. Have a blast and binge-watch Kung Fu Panda 1-3 on some fine, rainy day. The creator of these movies has managed to make many of the concepts coming to life “with total awesomeness”!
Finally I would like to add a tiny volume, relevant for most, I think. Written by one of the coolest cats I know – Seth Godin.
The dip – the extraordinary benefits of knowing when to quit (and when to stick)
I chose to add this very short book to my list, just to put the “virtue of endurance” in a little different perspective.
NOW I am done for today! If you have accompanied me all the way to here – well done! Maybe I should limit myself to posting a “quote” next week, and get you a little bit of well-earned rest!!!! 😉
Have a lovely week, friends!
Carin
